Ayusa 國際愛優生文化交流協會

謝謝你，AYUSA！因為你，所以我變得非常的自信：目  

今天上經濟課時，突然有種「叮」！的感覺，腦袋抓隱藏的那顆燈泡亮了起來！或許只是因為累積的能量終於足夠了，或許是這些日子來的沉澱、變化帶來了思想的接通，突然間，原本暗自很自卑，甚至有點怨天尤人，積了一堆灰黑色負面想法的那個黃薇宇就那樣被那顆燈泡的光給消滅了，有種「欸，其實我可以這樣做」，非常myself也非常正面的感覺：)

說起來很抽象吧！要解釋清楚點的話，就要從頭說起了：

行前，原本的想法是非常單純的，像個期待出海的菜鳥水手，信誓坦坦、自信十足許給自己的目標，無非都是那些「做外交、交朋友、換角度想想、有個不同經歷、練英文、給自己成長的空間」，任何會想踏出當交換學生這一步的人都可以倒背如流的理由。可那時還很嫩，想的很美，以為換環境刺激成長就像換衣服一樣簡單，沒有深思過那是需要時間還有挫折下去催化的。

來這裡已經快七個月，朋友是交到了，外交是做到了，可是那些都並不如想像中最糟糕的情況還要好多少，甚至有更難堪更尷尬的感覺，那些雖然都想過，可是就潛意識說，並沒有想過真的會那麼逼真的發生在自己身上。那些非常夢幻的期待被扼殺後無法根絕，總還是會偷偷的長出來，然後再另外一個事件下被消弭，一個又一個的循環下，再加上自己的個性比較會多想，消極了好久，卻又忍不住去期待。

But things have to get worse to get better.(事情要變好之前總會先變差)

到了這學期(一月底)，上課都已經上了七天，我在輕鬆的課程(除了美國歷史都是興趣相關)中過的比上學期自在很多，因為本來不打算讓我畢業的學校突然承諾讓我試試看能不能畢業，所以橫生出了很多麻煩，例如因為已經慢了同學的腳步很多步，很多事情都要從頭來，作業還是要全部補齊，又有一個英文四的Senior Project(畢業小論文)要做，要命的是四科課中三科是必修，各種壓力和事情迎面而來，這時候我開始想，「What the heck am I doing here?」(我到底為啥要來這邊？)，還因此跟爸媽隔著半顆地球起了些許爭執，還有在學校的輔導室崩潰大哭。

可是今天我突然了解這都是很可貴的經驗。因為這些非常惱人的事情，我學會了開口問，知道面對再怎麼讓人不悅的人(例如輔導室跟我盧了半年又突然說要讓我畢業的輔導員)同時維持禮貌和尊嚴，如何不覺得有什麼的去請教別人，如何把輕重緩急清清楚楚分離，如何去規劃自己的時間和金錢還有甚至人生。

已經學會去想，「下一步要怎麼做？」卻同時輕鬆的微笑，跟好朋友玩玩鬧鬧也可以把事情做完。

我想每個會踏上這條交換學生的路的學生和爸媽，其實都在冒險，然而每個人的旅途都會很不一樣，可是最後最後，用盡耐心、虛幻的期望、幽默感，真的都會得到那一點什麼。這樣的成熟是什麼其他的途徑都不能輕易得到的，而也正是這樣的不同，會讓我們在以後的路上，過的比較輕鬆，畢竟有苦過，知道那種滋味，也會知道要珍惜什麼。不會像在台灣的時候去追求一個個中短期的目標，不管後來得到不得到都會有點迷茫的「So what,然後呢？」，等著別人給你答案的感覺。

而現在我覺得自己很棒，很有衝勁也很開心：D

       2008年8月8日，是父親節，是奧運開幕，也是我葦新旅程的開始。從一開始哭了好幾次因為種種自我假設使自己害怕去美國後的生活，更因為怕自己要離開從沒分開過的雙胞胎妹妹，是我考慮出不出國的原因的一部份。誰知道七個月後的我，在德州也有小小的一片天。為了自己的夢想和未來的憧憬，我來到了德州和一個美滿的家庭共住。一對年輕的轟爸、轟媽，加上八歲的雙胞胎轟妹、四歲的轟弟、兩歲的狗Annie，是我在美國的家人。 

        在美國前幾個月的日子，不是很好過，但很幸運的我總能遇到好心人的關心和幫助。當我因為學校的不適應，在轟媽面前哭了出來，轟媽告訴我時間久了就好了，也把手放在我的肩膀上為我向上帝禱告。當我無力的坐在放學回家的校車上，覺得明天沒動力去學校時，手機裡爸媽的簡訊是我的營養劑。當我覺得孤單、寂寞時，不管是老師們還是AYUSA的朋友，每一句關心的話都讓我展開笑容，提起精神繼續努力。參加籃球隊，因為好幾年沒打球，out of shape的我，腳痛腿痛很難受，卻因為球隊的朋友，在hallway上能多出更多對我打招呼的笑臉。也讓我多了一份企圖心，想讓我的隊友了解我、我的家鄉及我的文化，我丟的Chinese New Year Party讓他們大開了眼界。

        來到美國，處處都是能學習的地方，每個禮拜和轟家去教堂是件很棒的事，從新牧師、樂團到聖誕節拿我生平第一本中英聖經，我學到了更多做人處事的道理，一些付出和一些感動。 這七個月來，轟家是我生活中一大部分，和八歲雙胞胎及四歲小男生相處，我的生活多了很多色彩。從轟弟一開始的“go away”到現在會要我念他最喜歡的故事書，也從轟妹一開始會將我早上good morning的笑臉忽略到每天放學回家叫我Jadi Pooh，這中間有爆笑也有討厭得牙癢癢的時候。剩下的美國生活，我每天都很珍惜，除了加把勁多讀英文，也希望能把握，好好過完，更多製造美好的回憶。就像爸說的要learn wisely, love people和self confidence，也像媽說的要感謝上帝的安排，因為我鼻子過敏而讓我來到德州，不是其他冷的地方。因為我怕狗，而讓我來到有狗的家庭，讓我了解狗的好。也安排培養我的愛心，來到了小孩子的世界。

        我很滿足、很開心，更充滿著感謝。感謝AYUSA，也感謝我最愛的家人，和一直陪著我的咪咪和朋友們。

對於當一個交換學生的心得是:真高興當時選擇對了!!!!!雖然我比其他人多待了一個寄宿家庭,也比其他交換學生同時在兩個學校被登記入學過,但陽光總在風雨後,我的好朋友在我傷心的時候傳了一首這樣的歌給我。

沒錯!陽光總在風雨後,撥開烏雲後總是有顆黃澄澄的太陽,它一直都在。
這些波折,挫折人的日子試著把我打敗,而我也曾經屈服於怯懦逃避現實。
眼淚是該流的,但是眼淚不能夠解決事情,和遠離自己的家人朋友訴苦是一種解脫,但就像醉漢在酒醒之後那些問題還是存在,還是要堅強面對。我真高興當時選擇對了,當一個交換學生！這感覺很難形容,當傷心難過的時候痛恨身邊熟悉人的肩膀不在。當開心愉悅的時候,遺憾不能及時與相處多年的好友分享。但是人生並不是只能畫地自限,要放開視野看向更遠的地方。

我愛那些當沒有避風港,不斷刺激我的挫折,它們讓我確確實實了解到,問題並不會因為你的年齡而與自己脫離關係；
我愛那些讓我痛苦難耐思念熟稔景物的痛楚,它們提醒我,這些我所擁有的幸福是應該被提醒,應該被好好珍惜。而我很幸運,我並沒有失去它們,所以當我回首,它們依舊在原地等著我去好好把握。

我體會從沒感受過的相思, 我嚐到從沒體驗過的新鮮生活,我了解從沒認真對待解決事情必須有的堅韌,我享受從來只有從電影、報紙上盲目崇拜，真實的另類文化。人生是苦味摻雜的,有人笑我們來美國當個交換學生只是為自己寫一齣悲劇。
那麼我想我十分榮幸可以在這齣悲劇將最精湛的自己竭力演出。前面是死路,希望在轉角。換個角度,世界總是更大更廣。

但請不要吝嗇改變自己。很快這交換學生折磨人的日子要接近尾聲,但像杯黑咖啡,它苦澀,但當放下它你卻是這麼地想念它在自己味蕾的刺激。 好想跟學弟妹還有學長姊同輩還有自己説:當交換學生真的很不容易,你們要相信自己真的好棒!!!!我真高興當時自己選擇對了,當一個交換學生: )謝謝所有替我們辛苦籌辦行前訓練、文化營,還有分配我們寄宿家庭、解決大大小小問題的交換學生機構,也謝謝爸媽,不止感謝您們把我生下來讓我好幸運有機會可以當交換學生好好體驗這個世界,也謝謝您們願意讓我的夢想起飛,請記得我夢想的原點永遠是您們,還有我愛您們。

『I’m so happy that I can be an exchange student.』 This is what I want to say now. Everyone know that we went to LA for 2 weeks, and we had lots of fun there.When we have to leave, my friends cried. We don’t want to go to other place by ourself, cause we were afraid many things. They thought that I didn’t cry, but I did. I cried at the airport, because I didn’t want to leave my friends and I miss my mom and my English was really really bad. So I called my mom, but she said 『You have to learn and don’t be afraid and… this is what you want, isn’t it?』 And I though for a while, then I stop crying. Because this is my choice and I want to come here to be an exchange student.After I arrived Tulsa, I was nervous. My host family is here and I’m going to their house. They said it’s 『awesome』 to go to Oklahoma….. that made me afraidThe first thing I had thought was they are not nice, but I was wrong.They bought me a bear with a rose:DI was so happy and surprised. They are nice!They also put a computer in my room and the bad thing is I use it all the time (ha ha)…But they are still nice:D Sometimes I made my host mom mad, I don’t know why she’s mad at me sometimes, but after that, we just talk and everything go back to usual.
I also had Christmas day with them!It was awesome! I got lots of presents, and we really had fun!!My best friend- Megan also gave me a sheep, that’s soooo soft and cute!Megan and I had 3 classes together. She is very nice and we also hang out together!We went to the movie together (Twilight), and it was really awesome!I had good time there but the sad thing is I have to leave.She said when she heard that I’m going to leave, she cried, and I was surprised that she cried!And she also had dinner with us the day before I leave. I’m so happy that I have a friend like this.My host sister- Ashley made me a picture, and I put it beside my bed:DI really had fun with Ashley and Megan, they are so nice and I’m so happy to have them! Now, I’m in my new host family.My new host family is soooo cool, and they are nice, too!(Actually I cried at night after I got here. I missed my 1st host family!)My 2nd home is big and they have a pool and they can play baseball and basketball outside the house!We did many things and I play with the kids many times and they are soooo cute lol I have a lot of fun here, we also go to the church every Wednesday and Sunday.I play with the kids at the church, too, and they are soooo funny:D It was nervous to go to the school…..Cause this school is big, and they have many students inside!But it is fine and I also have fun now!I have some friends and they are from Laos! (cool)They are nice and they are fun!They also took me to the winter formal on 2/21.I didn’t want to go because I don’t know how to dance and I don’t like dresses…But I’m glad that I did go!It was so fun and cool.My friends Katy and Nikki did my head (my hair and my face)! After they finished my head, it didn’t looks like me!

 Last time, I made Taiwan’s food for my host mom, and she said it’s delicious (ha ha)I also made eggs, but it was not really good, so I just kept cooking it, and never it them again… When I was at Bartlesville, all my classes were very very easy, Physical Science, Art, Chinese, Algebra 1, PE, and English I. I had almost had straight A, but I got a B on my English. I didn’t want to have really hard classes, because I thought I’m coming just for English, not for other grades, they are not important, but I don’t want to have a C or a D on my grade list, so I just chose the easy ones.  I was wrong. I was wasting my time, and I shouldn’t do that. The good thing is I can start again! Because I have to change school, and I can choose some other classes.( But I didn’t get to choose my classes.)  Now, I have lots of homework, and some of my classes are not that easy. Biology, Career, Computers, English, Algebra II, and Pre AP World History. I really appreciate my host mom. I’m not good at history and I don’t like history, but my host mom will help me, and make me understand it, but I still have a C…… But I feel good! It’s not because I got a C, it’s because I have some hard classes! It let me feel like I’m not wasting my time, and I have things to do!

 I’m really happy that I can come here and be an exchange student and me tmany different people and learn things from them. And I really appreciate these people, and I want to say thank you to you.Thank you, mom and dad. Thank you for let me coming here.Thank you, Ayusa. Thank you for having this program and give me chance to come here.Thank you, my 1sy host family (Mark, Pamm, and Ashley). Thank you for let me live in your house and let me had lots of fun there. Thank you, Megan. Thank you for being my friend! I’m really happy to have you!Thank you, my 2nd host family (Gary, Donna, Kim). Thank you for taking me to your house that I don’t have to go bacj to Taiwan, and thank you for the birthday party! I’m really happy to have you to be my host family. I have lots of fun with you and the kids!(they are so cute!!)Thank you, my CR Shirley and your daughter, Sarah. Thank you for everything you did for me, and I really have fun with Sarah when I went to her house! And thank you for finding my host family for me, and I really like them! Thank you, all of my friends at Owasso mid high school. I’m really happy to have all of you! And I really have fun with you! I really learned a lot of things, don’t waste our time, appreciate people, stop complaining because I do things wrong too………. And finally, I want to say:I LOVE AMERICA, I LOVE OKLAHOMA!!! 

我們學校就快要結束第二個學期了，很多科目都開始要做大的project了，每天都很累，當然也有開心的事，由於這個學期我多了一堂空的課，於是跟我的counselor商量了之後，決定那一節課就到學校的幼稚園去帶小孩子；很多的朋友都說：“來到美國應該去嘗試更多有趣的課阿！爲什麽要去帶小孩?” 也許剛開始會很辛苦，因爲才3 或4嵗的小孩不僅不懂得禮貌，説不定有些還會直接尿褲子，到時候要處理會很麻煩，帶著種種不安開始了我的”幼稚園實習老師”的3個月…               

剛開始小孩子一看到我們都嚇死了，身高差了那麽大一截，我們這些實習老師要費盡心思的吸引小孩，並且要很有耐心的教他們什麽是禮貌，什麽是有秩序的排隊，甚至要交他們字母怎麽寫，怎麽念；剛開始的那1個月真的是很沮喪也很沒耐心的再帶小孩，一下子玩這個一下子又不玩了，整節課我都在收玩具又拿玩具中度過…整個很想要放棄。結果負責的老師告訴我們，帶小孩就是這麽辛苦，這個時候我們才會發現其實最辛苦的還是媽媽，帶小孩的重擔全部都被媽媽扛起來了，所以身為孩子的我們，更應該要努力!                

3個月的努力，感覺自己變得更有耐心了! 不會再因爲小孩不聽話而影響心情，而是教他們正確的做法應該是怎麽樣! 嘗試用各種方式吸引小孩，其實不難!!!小孩子都是一樣可愛，一樣天真的!!!!!下面這張是我跟我帶的幾個小孩子的照片，大家一看到相機就吵著要玩，還喜歡做鬼臉!!!

    美國生活多彩多姿，學校的課程也讓我學到很多，尤其是這個，當老師也是一種工作，在上高中的臺灣小孩都不會有機會嘗試到不同于高中生的體驗；實習老師的工作就像是現在社會上的工作一樣，不准遲到，穿衣服要符合幼稚園的規定(於是我都穿學校的衣服…) ，説話要有禮貌，也就是管好自己…

        總之，在美國的六個月讓我又成長了很多!美國生活真得很棒！！